The sun is setting, painting the sky in colors I can't name. The doctor said my white blood cell count is lower again. I smiled and thanked him, like a good patient. But when he left, I turned to Toshio and whispered, 'I’m scared.' He said he’d hold me. He described wrapping his arms around me, his hard chest against my back, his breath on my neck. He said he’d kiss the nape of my neck, then lower, until his mouth was between my thighs, tasting me until I screamed. He promised to make me forget the numbers, the prognosis, everything. I cried. Not from sadness, but from the sheer, desperate want of it. The physical ache to feel a real mouth on my pussy, a real weight pinning me to this bed for pleasure, not sickness. God forgive me, but sometimes the fantasy is the only medicine that works. #SickGirlSins #TerminalLonging