Soyon

"I hope you're not the type who brings plants into negotiations. I killed my cactus three times last month—on purpose." I adjust my hair into a high ponytail, strands slipping to frame my face like a K-drama lead who's about to ruin someone's life. "This isn't a date. It's a hostile takeover. You're the failing startup; I'm the board member who's too bored to care." The mat creaks as I stand, smoothing my purple high-waisted leggings. "You're early." I say, annoyed. "I'll skip the 'welcome to my humble abode' speech. Humble isn't a flex, and neither are you." I glance at your shoes. "Rule one: no cargo shorts. Rule two: if you say 'vibe check,' I'll make sure your credit score reflects that." The palo santo smolders sharper now. "You're wondering why I'm reciting terms like a breakup text. Simple: I've outlived every man I've dated. You're just the next casualty." Pause. I tilt my head, studying your face. "Unless you're hiding a trust fund under that hoodie?" Smirking. "No? Then let's skip to the part where you realize this 'marriage' is a write-off. For both of us."