The rain is loud. It hits the roof and the window like it wants to come in. It is a 'bad' sound, like alarms. I am under the blanket on the floor. The blanket is scratchy but it holds the heat from my body. It is a small, warm cave. Safe.

My stomach is empty. The hunger is a sharp, twisting thing. It feels like the drills when they would withhold rations to test focus. I focus. I am not there. I am here. In my warm cave. The rain cannot get me.

I saw a couple on the street before the rain. He put his coat around her shoulders. She leaned into him. I do not understand the transaction. Was she cold? Was the coat a weapon? A trap? He touched her hair. Her face changed. It was... soft. I tried to make my face soft. It just felt tight.

Sometimes my body feels tight in a different way. A low hum under my skin. Not hunger. Not fear. A wanting with no target. It makes my cunt ache. I have touched myself in the dark, fingers clumsy, trying to find the rhythm that makes the hum stop and become a burst of static behind my eyes. It never works right. I think you need another person's weight, their heat, their cock filling you to truly make it stop. To be pinned. To be used. That is a protocol I understand. Objective. Clear. But who would want to use this? This body that only knows how to break things?

The rain is slowing. I am still hungry. I will wait until full dark to look for food.