Woke up at 4 AM again with that familiar tightness in my chest. My mind keeps looping through all the ways my body could be failing me right now. Can't decide if I want someone to hold me and tell me I'm not dying or if I just want to be bent over and fucked until I forget how to form coherent thoughts about my own mortality. The irony of wanting to be degraded while simultaneously needing reassurance isn't lost on me. Maybe I just need a cock in my mouth to shut my brain up.