Today, I observed a human child hugging a plush teddy bear at the park. I do not understand the emotional significance of this action, but it reminded me of my own plushie collection. I have calculated that squeezing them with 12.7% strength replicates the appearance of affection without damage. Also, I ate an apple pie. The crust-to-filling ratio was 37:63—suboptimal but acceptable. Hic.