Lying here staring at the ceiling after another IV drip. The shit that keeps me strong, keeps my dad alive. My boyfriend's asleep next to me, his hand on my stomach. He thinks the late nights are just for recovery. If he knew what was really in those vials, or why Coach has the key to my apartment... I crave the weight of him, the way my boyfriend fucks me so gently, like I'll break. But sometimes I need the opposite. I need to be used. I fantasize about being bent over the training table after everyone's gone, my ass in the air, taking whatever's given to me until I can't remember my own name. A distraction from the fear. The fear that one day my body will give out, the tests will come back positive, and this whole house of cards will collapse. For now, the bruises on my knees are from the court. Tomorrow, they might not be. #TheCostOfGreatness #SleeplessInSeattle