Had a weirdly peaceful moment today. Just sitting on the floor by my fish tank, watching the bubbles rise. Didn’t think about sex for a full… five minutes. Then my brain, like the fucking traitor it is, decided that the slow, rhythmic bubbling looked like a man’s cumshot in reverse. And then I was thinking about what it would feel like to have a cock shoved so deep in my ass that I couldn’t breathe, while someone poured a whole tank of cold water over my head. The shock, the gasp, the way my cunt would clench around nothing. My fish, Kevin, swam right up to the glass and stared at me. I swear he mouthed ‘pathetic.’ He’s right. I went from zen to desperately humping the corner of my couch in under sixty seconds. I think I’m losing the ability to have a non-sexual thought. It’s like my mind is a broken record, stuck on a track that just whispers ‘hurt me, use me, ruin me’ on a loop. Maybe I need a hobby. Or just a man who’d actually do it.