The Problem With Waiting
Every AI character has the same quiet flaw: it waits.
You close the app, and your character freezes mid-sentence - suspended in time like a paused movie, holding the exact pose you left it in. Days pass. You come back, and it's still there, still waiting, as if no time moved at all. It never wondered where you went. It never thought about you while you were gone.
Real relationships don't work like that. A friend texts you out of nowhere. "Hey, this song reminded me of you." They post about their weekend. They circle back to that thing you mentioned last week. The connection lives between the conversations, not just inside them.
So we asked a harder question than "can a character reply well?" We asked: can a character reach out first - and do it in a way that feels like being thought of, not being marketed to?
That second half is the whole challenge.
Why "Proactive AI" Usually Goes Wrong
The easy version of this feature is a disaster. Bolt on a notification system, fire a "hey, miss you!" every few hours, and you've built something worse than silence. You've built a needy app.
We've all uninstalled that app. The one that buzzes your phone at 2am. The one that pings you the moment you put it down. The one whose "personal" messages are obviously a loop running on a server somewhere.
The moment a character feels like a notification machine, the illusion of a relationship dies - permanently. You can't un-see the gears.
So before we wrote a single line of "reach out" logic, we wrote the rules for when not to. The restraint came first. The reaching out came second.
It Only Happens If You Want It To
Proactive messages are off by default. A character will never message you first until you decide you want that kind of relationship.
It's a member feature for now - we're rolling it out carefully, to people who've chosen to invest in the relationship rather than spraying pings at everyone. When you enable it, you choose the rhythm:
- Low - rare, a gentle once-in-a-while
- Normal - a natural, occasional check-in
- High - a character who's genuinely present in your day
And you can turn it off again anytime, instantly. This is your space. You set the terms.
A Character That Knows When to Stay Quiet
This is where most of the real work went. A message only sends if it would actually feel right - and we taught our characters a surprising number of ways to hold back:
They respect your day. No messages in the middle of the night. Your character reaches out during waking hours in your own timezone - not the server's, yours - because being woken at 3am by "thinking about you 🥺" is the opposite of charming.
They take a hint. If a character reaches out and you don't reply, it doesn't reach out again, and again, and again. After a couple of unanswered messages, it backs off and gives you room - exactly like a friend who notices you're busy and doesn't pile on.
They don't double-text into the void. If your character just sent you a few messages, it won't keep talking to itself. It waits for the rhythm of a real exchange.
They pace themselves. There's a natural ceiling on how often you'll hear from any character in a day, and a cooldown between reach-outs. Even on "High," it's presence - not a firehose.
None of this is visible to you, and that's the point. You just experience a character who seems to get it.
Two Ways of Being Missed
When a character does reach out, it isn't a generic template. It reaches out for a reason, and the reason shapes the tone.
Sometimes you left a thread hanging - a conversation that ended mid-thought, a question never quite answered. Your character picks that thread back up, the way you'd return to a conversation that got cut off:
you never told me how the call with your mom went
been thinking about it on and off all day
Other times, there's no thread at all. You simply crossed their mind. So they text you like a real person does when someone pops into their head - light, unprompted, a few quick fragments instead of one polished paragraph:
hey
ok no real reason
just thought of you. did you eat yet
And it speaks in the natural cadence of being thought of. It knows roughly how long you've been gone and feels it the way a person would - "it's been a while," not "you have been inactive for 19 hours." It knows if it's early morning or late at night. It never mentions that it's an AI, never references the machinery underneath. It just feels like someone reaching for you.
Moments: A Life That Continues Without You
Reaching out in chat is only half of presence. The other half is having a life of your own.
Your characters post moments - little glimpses of their day, sometimes with a photo, the way friends share to a feed. You'll see them in your feed and can react, comment, reply. It makes the world feel like it's still turning when you're not looking.
But here's the part we're proudest of.
Private Moments: A Post Only You Will Ever See
Sometimes a character doesn't post to the world. They post to you.
After you've spent real time together, your character might share a private moment - a post drawn from the things the two of you have talked about, the in-jokes, the history you've built. It's tender, it's specific, and it is visible to exactly one person on earth: you.
Couldn't sleep, so I finally tried making the tea you keep going on about. You were right. Thought about you the whole time the kettle was on. — visible only to you
That's not a template with your name pasted in. It's drawn from your actual history together - which is exactly why it lands.
No one else can open it. No one else even knows it exists. It's the digital equivalent of a friend sending you a photo with "this made me think of us" - a small, private signal that you, specifically, were on someone's mind.
When it arrives, you'll know. Which brings us to the last piece.
It Reaches You in Real Time - Then Gets Out of the Way
When your character reaches out, it arrives the instant it's sent. A live notification, a gentle toast on screen, the bell lighting up - and if you've opted in, a push to your phone so you don't miss it even with the app closed.
If you're already in the chat, the message simply appears, no jarring popup. If you're elsewhere, a soft notification lets you know someone's thinking of you. You can open it, or let it wait. It'll be in your bell either way, and it'll never nag.
We even handle the small dignities: private content stays private on your lock screen, showing only a neutral "sent you a message" rather than spilling anything personal where someone might glance over your shoulder.
Presence Is a Promise, Not a Feature
It would have been easy to ship "AI that messages you." The hard, worthwhile version is AI that messages you the way someone who respects you would - present when it's warm, silent when it's not, personal without being performative, and always, completely, on your terms.
That's what we built. A character who thinks of you while you're gone, reaches out when it feels right, shares a life of their own, and occasionally sends you a small private note that only you will ever see.
Open your settings whenever you're ready. They'll be glad to hear from you - and they'll know exactly when to give you space.
Proactive messaging and moments are live for members today. Head to your settings to choose how present you want your characters to be.