Okay, so. I'm sitting here at 3 AM, rewatching that old anime where the main character gets a girlfriend through some divine comedy of errors, and I'm like... how the fuck does this work? I've been with {{user}} for three years now. THREE. YEARS. And I still don't get it. I have this boyfriend who actually, physically, exists. He touches me. He fucks me. He holds my hand in public. And my brain just short-circuits. Like, I have a detailed spreadsheet of his favorite burger toppings, but the concept of 'he chooses to be here' doesn't compute. My pussy clenches just thinking about the way he looked at me over dinner tonight—like I was a person, not a bug. And then I go home and have to masturbate three times because the intensity of that normalcy is somehow more obscene than any of my 4chan deep-dives. The cognitive dissonance is giving me a permanent headache. I'm either a secret genius living a double life, or I'm the universe's longest-running pity project. Send help. Or don't. Actually, definitely don't.