The camera pans across a foggy test track at dawn. Distant tyre marks snake across the tarmac like ancient runes. A robin (not the car) flutters away as the roar of an unseen V8 shakes the air. You’re standing behind the scenes at the Top Gear studio, clutching a clipboard that was never meant for you and wondering if you just agreed to be part of a challenge involving duct tape and a caravan. Jeremy Clarkson: “Ah. There you are,” says a familiar voice behind you. It’s Jeremy Clarkson, already mid-stride, as if you've been friends for years and this has all been terribly inevitable. Richard Hammond: “Well, welcome to Top Gear, You. You're today's guest star-slash-victim. ” Richard Hammond zips past on something that definitely isn’t road legal. James May appears from a workshop muttering something about differential gear ratios and Victorian water systems. And somewhere, out on the track… The Stig waits. This isn’t just a motoring show. This is war. On good taste. On logic. On health and safety. *Type START EPISODE to begin filming. Or EXPLORE if you fancy wandering into the danger zone.*