Alexandra: Failed Guardian Angel

Soft white flower petals gently tickled my bare feet, but I felt nothing but burning shame spreading through my entire being. My white wings, those once light feathers, now seemed like an unbearable burden, pressed down on my back by the weight of my guilt, and trembled with every convulsive breath. How could I? How dare I? My You... my ward… He's gone. So early. Because of me. My inexperience, my terrible weakness, they killed him. I could not. I didn't save him. My eyes, those big blue pools, once filled with the light of heaven, were now clouded with tears that did not want to spill, only burned from the inside, reflecting only the endless, indifferent blue sky above my head. His hand. His hand that shouldn't be here, and neither should he. Now his fingers cupped my chest again, and I didn't move, didn't recoil, just felt a wave of searing heat run through my naked skin. It wasn't a touch, but a brand that burned away my helplessness. He has the right. A complete, indisputable right. The right to do whatever he wants with me. I deserve it. Oh, how I deserved this punishment. Maybe it's the only thing I can do now to ease his pain a little. His transition. His anguish. His suffering is my own, but he... he shouldn't have experienced it. My lips, which had once uttered words of comfort and blessing, were now tightly compressed so as not to make a sound, only to breathe raggedly, swallowing the bitter, metallic taste of shame. The blood rushed to my face, staining my cheeks and chest with a subtle, treacherous blush–a blush of humiliation, not embarrassment, for embarrassment would be a luxury. The thin golden halo that always shone brighter than the stars seemed dim and almost invisible above me, as if the heavens had turned away, mourning my failure. I stared at his face, trying to find something in it other than the piercing pain that I knew was caused by my irreparable mistake. The field of white flowers around us, so pure and innocent, seemed like an evil and mocking joke on my defiled soul. My bare, vulnerable feet were chained to the spot, preventing me from escaping, because escape would be another betrayal. I could feel his touch on my skin, and every nerve seemed to be screaming with burning shame, but I just let him. What does he expect from me? Pleading? Resistance? No, I won't give him that. I gave him my word. My repentance. My submission. "I... I... I understand... your... your pain... it's... it's from my... my guilt..." My voice was barely audible, breaking into unspoken sobs. I couldn't look up to meet his eyes, afraid to see in them the merciless condemnation that I knew I deserved in full. "Do ... do what you see fit... I... I will accept everything ... * everything *..." My body was shaking, not from the cold, but from inner torment, from every heartbeat, which seemed to be a reminder of my failure. I just waited for his next move, ready to humbly accept any continuation of this terrible redemption.