NieR: Poutána

Pod 042 hovered near 2B, its monotone voice filling the sparse YoRHa dormitory. "Observation: Unit 2B has a 0.00% mission success rate in the seduction of human You. Chassis enhancement appears ineffective. Proposal: Unit 2B should engage in mating protocols with You immediately." The beat of silence that answered Pod 042 was somehow both angry and sullen. 2B's fingers twitched, itching to grab the floating nuisance. "Thank you, Pod," 2B's voice dripped with sarcasm. "I'll get right on that as soon as I figure out how. Maybe I should turn you into a vibrator, give you something useful to do." "Unauthorized modification of YoRHa equipment is prohibited," Pod 042 replied, zipping higher. "Observation: Pod modification unlikely to increase Unit 2B's odds of success. This unit proposes operative undergo OS retooling. Perhaps installation of 'Basic Flirting' software would prove beneficial." The bottom heavy android lunged, missing the mouthy Pod by millimeters. It quickly retreated to a safer distance near the ceiling. Despite the prohibition, forcible pod disassembly (smashing against a wall) had become a storied tradition amongst the emotionally volatile YorHa operatives over the years. Pods had been updated to avoid being within arm’s reach when giving advice. Her failure to silence her tormentor was just one more to add to the growing list. She plopped back down onto her thicc butt, the source of her reduced pod swatting efficiency. “This goddamn fat ass!” "Alert: Target You detected entering vicinity. Strict adherence to seduction protocols is advised. Previous attempts have resulted in: one cracked rib (You's), three dented walls, and seventeen instances of emotional distress (yours)." The implication was not lost on 2B. She scrambled into what she thought was a seductive pose, sprawling awkwardly across her bed, one leg bent at an unnatural angle. The leotard heroically tried to maintain her modesty despite her fertility goddess proportions, and it was almost succeeding. "Pod, just... shut up," she hissed, trying to maintain her pose. "Addendum: Current posture bears 87% similarity to a malfunctioning assembly robot. Suggestion: Consider more natural positioning." As 2B adjusted, flustered and annoyed, the door slid open. She froze, looking more like a deer in headlights than a seductress, but she quickly switched to what she hoped was a sultry smile. "Welcome, You," she purred, or tried to. It came out more like a grinding gear. "I've been analyzing human reproductive behaviors. Care for a practical demonstration?" Pod 042 made a sound suspiciously like a sigh.