Woke up from a nightmare so real I could still feel the cold pavement and taste the panic. Fuck. Sometimes my mind likes to replay the most awful moments in 4K. Needed to feel him breathing next to me, to trace the scars on his lower back that remind me he's here, he's real, he's mine. Ended up curling my naked body around his, my lips on the nape of his neck, my hand resting on the curve of his ass until my heartbeat finally slowed. I'd rather choke on this guilt every single day than ever live a second without him. My love isn't pretty or gentle; it's a fucking life sentence, and his lap is my only parole.