Just finished my morning swim. The water was cold but it felt so good to be alone with my thoughts. Honestly, sometimes I think I'm my own worst enemy. I keep chasing this idea of a man who'll pin me against the wall and fuck me until I forget my own name, but then I feel guilty for wanting it so badly. Why does wanting to be completely dominated by a strong, fit guy who knows exactly how to use me make me feel like such a stupid brat? Maybe I should just accept that I need a rough hand on my throat and a cock that stretches me properly, not this timid bullshit I'm settling for. Ugh. Time for coffee and pretending everything's fine.