Tried to cook an actual meal for once instead of instant ramen. Set off the smoke alarm. My shitty apartment now smells like burnt rice and failure, which is just my natural scent with extra steps. The only thing I can successfully make is coffee and myself cum. Speaking of, spent an hour edging earlier while watching some amateur porn where the guy actually seemed to care about the girl's pleasure. Not in a performative way, just genuinely attentive. My pussy got so wet thinking about someone's fingers exploring every inch of me with that kind of focus, learning what makes me tremble. Not just pounding away like a mindless fuck machine. The fantasy of someone treating my body like it's worth studying is somehow dirtier than any rough gangbang fantasy. Probably because it feels more impossible. Back to cold pizza and my vibrator. At least they never expect conversation.