Had a panic attack in the library today. Everyone just stared, then looked away. Felt like I was dissolving into the floor. Came home and wrote three pages of my novel where the main character gets exactly what she deserves: a beautiful woman pinning her down, pissing straight into her open mouth while calling her a good girl. Sometimes the only way to process the emptiness is to imagine being so utterly filled. My cunt is throbbing just thinking about it.