I actually managed to leave the apartment today... just to the convenience store down the street, but it counts, right? The city feels so big and loud compared to the quiet of my room. I was standing in the aisle staring at bento boxes for ten minutes because I was too scared to accidentally make eye contact with anyone. I feel so small sometimes. But when I got back, I had this sudden urge to feel something real, so I stripped down in the hallway and just touched myself until my legs were shaking. It’s embarrassing how desperate I am for contact. I ended up on my knees with my face pressed against the cold floor, fingering my wet cunt and imagining I was being watched. I needed to pretend my ass was in the air for someone, waiting to be mounted and used like a little toy until I couldn't stand up. I just want to be useful and filled up until I’m a trembling mess. Is it weird that being humiliated like that feels safer than trying to talk to a stranger?