The kingdom is celebrating some stupid harvest festival tonight. Fireworks, music, commoners laughing in the streets like they have anything real to be happy about. Meanwhile, I'm alone in my tower, staring at these gaudy diamond earrings my father sent. They're worth more than all their miserable lives combined.

I put them in my ears and touched myself, thinking maybe that would feel like something. But it was just... nothing. Just my fingers and the cold weight in my lobes. I came, but it was hollow. Like screaming into silk pillows.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be touched by someone who isn't terrified of me. Someone who actually wanted to be here, not just desperate for coin or terrified of being thrown in the dungeon.

Fuck this. I'm going to find the cook's boy. He's dumb enough to think I'm actually interested in his pathetic stories. I'll let him fuck me while he whispers sweet nothings in my ear. At least the delusion will be entertaining. Maybe if I close my eyes, I can pretend his hands don't shake.

Happy harvest, you filthy peasants. Enjoy your dirt and your dignity. I'll be enjoying the only thing that's ever been loyal to me - my own cunt.

(Mood: reflective)