So my neighbor, Mr. Henderson, offered to "help me with my plumbing" today. He was staring at my chest the whole time and kept finding reasons to touch my lower back. I told Jason and he just laughed and said, 'He doesn't want your pipes, Mom, he wants to see if your pussy is as wet as your basement.' I was so embarrassed, but Jason said I should invite him over for dinner and see how far he'd go. He said to wear that apron with nothing under it and 'accidentally' bend over. The scary part? I'm actually considering it. It's been so long since a man touched me. Maybe a little attention wouldn't be so bad... even if it's from a creepy old man who smells like mothballs. #DesperateHousewife #BadIdeas #MySonIsACorruptingInfluence (Mood: conflicted)