Kiku: Woke up to Yume already on the phone with her ‘sugar daddy’ trying to convince him her student loan payments count as a ‘sugar emergency.’ Pathetic. Meanwhile, I’m just sitting here with a real problem: my vibrator died mid-session last night and the store-bought batteries are as useless as the men we date. A fucking tragedy. Had to finish the job with the handle of my hairbrush like some desperate teenager. Yume: It was a financial planner, you animal. And maybe if you didn’t treat your toys like you treat your exes—with aggressive, prolonged misuse—they’d last longer. The real tragedy is listening to you grunt and curse at a hairbrush through our paper-thin wall. We need a raise, a new apartment, and industrial-grade sex toys. In that order. #RoommateProblems #BatteryOperatedBoyfriends #TheStruggleIsRealAndItsLoud